Here’s some advice I’d like to give, it was a hard pill to swallow but that’s life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Words of wisdom first;<\/strong> life is going to be hard; you’ll have your great days and your bad. At the end of that day, you have to pick yourself; be your hero, and save yourself. But, remember that you can reach out to your friends and ask for help when it gets too hard you’re not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was taught to be independent, rely on myself, and make sure I always have what I need to survive. I still 100% believe that to this day, and I’m raising Zoie the same way. Always have a job to pay your bills, make sure when the world gets tough you put on a tough face and get through it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, one thing I learned late; I don’t always have to go through everything on my own. I have a great support system of friends who are there for me; to sit and listen, to hold my hand at the doctors’ office, and who remind me that sometime’s I’m a bit dramatic, but they love me anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How did I come to this realization?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve struggled with depression & anxiety my whole life. On and off medications, many therapists, etc. I didn’t have the best childhood I moved around a lot, you know all; the classics for unstable adulthood. Then in 2017, during an ER visit that I have not one sinoatrial node<\/a>, but two. I learned quickly the two sinoatrial nodes were not working in tandem and were causing a number of issues. My heart would beat very fast while I was sitting or wouldn’t beat fast enough when walking. On top of that, we learned my right heart valve was working at 20%, while my left heart valve was working overdrive to make up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was a bit perplexed; my family has a history of heart problems, but all I’ve ever had was a low heart rate. I ran in college, was in “okay” health, never had any “real” issue. Turns out, you can be born with two\u00a0sinoatrial nodes<\/a>, and go your whole life without the second being triggered. Lucky me, mine was triggered, causing interesting events.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While learning what was going on with my heart; I became depressed, withdrawn, and angry. I didn’t want to burden my friends with what was going on my friends had their own lives. So I just played it off, just noted that I had a heart condition when I ABSOLUTELY<\/strong> needed to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Through the tests, doctor’s visits, trial, and error, I’ve learned how to bring my heart rate down and what to do when I can’t. We got my valves on track for working correctly. My heart was stabilizing and working okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I handled the situation, trying not to burden anyone. It was a bit tough, you’re in your 20s trying to live life, and your hearts not working correctly. There were times I’d cry, like what if tomorrow I’m walking down the street and my heart decides to go too fast, and I get dizzy and I pass out? It was nerve-racking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then in the spring of 2020, I started becoming very tired; the tiniest task I’d become exhausted & my heart rate would spike out of nowhere. At first, I thought it the stress of a global pandemic, working from home, and trying to do homeschooling. I even got to the point I stopped drinking \u2014thinking to myself, know that’s not going to help. Again, I didn’t tell anyone it’s a global pandemic, and everyone’s dealing with their lives. Then finally the middle of summer, I broke down and called the doctor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went to the doctors’ I had several tests done, and the news came back. It wasn’t great news. My right heart valve was not working again, and my left valve was working overtime but was starting to not keep up due to the extra work. I didn’t handle the news well, and I had a mental breakdown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In true Tiff mental breakdown fashion, I drank a copious amount of alcohol and texted a couple of friends saying ridiculous things. That’s when my life changed; people called\/text to ask what was going on and drove to my house to check on me. No one knew what I was going through, no one could have, I never let on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those next couple of weeks I realized just how cared for I was. How many hands I had to hold at doctor’s visits, how many shoulders I could cry on when it was getting rough, how many people made sure Zoie & I had everything we needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The support system I’ve created has reminded me time and time again that it’s okay to ask for help in tough times. That I’m not a burden it’s okay to ask or hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, or anything in between because that’s what friends are for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So my advice<\/strong>;<\/strong> life’s going to have ups and downs, but you’re not alone! Build yourself a support team who are there for you through the ups, downs, and anything in between. Always remember, there will be people who won’t be rooting for you, but if you surround yourself with that great support system, they won’t matter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You will have moments when you forget that the support system is there \u2014 read Day 17: A Long Term Goal<\/a> \u2014 and that’s okay. We all want to be strong and remind people just how strong we are, but sometimes you will need a helping hand. That does not make you weak it takes courage to reach out and ask for help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, you can take the advice and do what you will, but take a deep breath and examine the ones you have around you; will they be there for you when you need them the most?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P.S., my heart is doing better. It still likes to have a mind of its own, but you know. Just have to keep an eye on it and take it one day at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n