To be honest, I never thought I’d live this long.
All growing up, I thought I would have kicked the bucket before I even turned 30. I never really envisioned myself living long.
I’ve always had it in my head that I needed to be the strong one, the one who never relies on anyone, and above all else, never ask for help unless it’s absolutely needed. And it has to be a situation where you need it because everything is on fire!
Since October, my life has been anything but what I like to call a “hot mess disaster storm“. I’ve been laid off twice, on the verge of being homeless, my car was repossessed, my phone was shut off twice, my utilities are all behind, my double sinus nodes in my heart have been a little out of whack, my rheumatoid arthritis has decided more than ever to flare up, with many more things to add, and all this has taken a serious toll on my mental health.
I know that all that is not that much; I know that it 100% can be worse. I know that I could be homeless, I could have much worse health issues, and I know that I could be living in a war zone. I 100% understand that, I know what I am going through is a grain of sand compared to others.
I’d also like to note that I do understand that this position I found myself in is attributed to myself making not the best decisions. I could have saved more, I could have made wiser financial choices, I could have done XYZ. But that didn’t happen. I made the decisions I did, and I will have to say that I wouldn’t change any of it.
Life finds a way of reminding us of our path.
It brings people into our lives we never would have met. It also reminds us to be thankful for those in our lives who have been there. Not only in person but in spirit. The ones who are cheering you on even though you thought they weren’t paying attention. The ones who send messages that they are pulling for us, they know we’ve got this when we feel at our absolute lowest!
One thing I’ve learned is that I am a very resilient person. I’ve had very tough battles, but when I look back, I didn’t crawl out of those tough battles alone. I’ve had friends stand by my side, and this time has been no different.
No matter how many times I tell myself I’m all I have, that’s not true. I’m not alone; I don’t have to suffer by myself. I just have to ask; I just have to step up and not be afraid to say I need help. I have to remove the narrative that no one cares about me; it’s been a lifelong struggle.
The people who love you and actually care about you will be there. That can be providing homemade soup, giving you your favorite banana pudding popsicle, buying you a new blanket, throwing you a birthday party with dinosaur hats, and being emotional support when they are also going through their own storms.
Falling hard has not only made me realize that I have an amazing tribe that I am thankful for every single day, but it has also humbled me.
And humbled me it has. I grew up in the projects, Section 8, lived off food stamps, child support, stood in line for food banks, taken multiple gallon water “showers,” and still remember not having a car for years, walking to the grocery store.
We often need to remember where we came from. I lost sight. Life is not all about taking nice expensive trips, buying the newest phones, having the biggest bounce house with the biggest snack rack, and always going on vacation.
Sometimes you have to be knocked down a peg or two. To remind us of where we came from, who we are, and the life we want to lead.
I’m thankful every day for those who have helped me, who have checked in, who have sent leads, who have sent all the good vibes. Above all else, they reminded me of who I am and how far I really have come.
Often when we fall, we just need people to just be there, physically or virtually. We just need to be reminded that life is hard, but it gets easier with those around you.
Life doesn’t always go as planned, but it takes you on the journey you need to be on.
